This is a tale of two emails, one more effective than the other. In both, small local arts organizations are announcing their new virtual programming.
The first email comes from an organization that provides hands-on arts programming for children and teens.
Dear [OrgName] Friends,
We miss you! We do hope that this note finds you healthy and well. We are determined to stay connected to each other and to each of you. At this time, we’ve been able to keep all of our staff employed, either working from home or singly in our studios. It is our plan to keep going, right through this crisis – and while we’re physically distancing, we’re staying socially connected.
For a facility-dependent organization, it took us most of last week to organize ourselves to find ways to continue to engage with you around our work, living our mission, through [our artistic medium]. With such a tactile medium, we have had to stretch our creativity, and are delighted to roll out our first week of virtual programming. Our programming will include live demos, lectures, challenges, movie nights, even special product sales. We have some great surprises in store.
Nice, right? This message:
- Greets the recipient. “Dear [FirstName]” would have been even better, but I imagine the organization chose “Dear Friends” because of database issues that stand in the way of personalization.
- Starts with an expression of concern, just as any decent human being would do for any other human being in the midst of a health crisis.
- Goes on to address a question donors and participant families are likely to ask: What about staff?
- Explains why virtual programming took a while to launch – without apology.
- Builds a sense of excitement about the new offerings
The second message, from a nonprofit theater, starts off differently.
As you know, [OrgName] is committed to bringing high quality, transformative theatre experiences to audiences throughout the country. This is exemplified by [ProgramName], which seeks to bring fully produced shows to [City] schools for little to no cost. These shows are meant to bring the magic of [OrgName] … everywhere and anywhere, from auditoriums and cafeterias, to lobbies and outdoor gatherings. Unfortunately, in the current climate, our local tour of [PlayName] has been postponed. However, we have decided to bring this performance to your homes so the work of [ProgramName] can continue!
What’s missing?
You are. The reader. The first mention of “you” is “your homes” – to which the organization is bringing the play not so that you can enjoy it but so that the organization can continue its work.
Which organization makes you want to donate to keep the work going?
Yeah. Me too.
If you’re one of those people with too much time on your hands – well, first of all, I’m sorry. That must really suck.
But if you do have a lot of time on your hands, would having an assignment help?
If so, try rewriting the theater company’s message to be more audience-centered. Post your revision below. I will share the best rewrite with the organization’s principals.
P.S. No clients were harmed in the writing of this message.