I’m as guilty as anyone. Sometimes the phone seems so heavy that it’s easier to fire off an email.

I’ve been teaching a class called Communicating Effectively for Rutgers University’s Certified Public Manager program. (And loving it. I gotta teach more. Need a communications instructor?)

Minutes before I distributed a handout showing a poorly worded email that shouldn’t have been sent in the first place, a participant asked me about an email she had just sent that also should never have gone out.

Bingo. I had the topic of this month’s e-letter: when not to email.

1. When you’ve got bad news.

The poorly worded email in my class handout was an announcement of upcoming layoffs. No matter what else might have been wrong with that email – and I made sure there was a lot, so participants could have fun finding all the mistakes – the first mistake was that it shouldn’t have been sent at all.

Bad news should be delivered in person. If you can’t do it in person, do it on the phone or in a videoconference. Don’t do it in an email.

I know, I know, it’s easier to get the wording right in email, and it’s easier not to have to look at all the people who are suddenly worried about their jobs. No excuse. It’s gentler – more human – to tell them to their faces. It’s also more efficient, as you can deal with questions right away, quashing rumors in the process, and you won’t have to spend the rest of the day slinking around.

2. When you don’t understand instructions.

The participant in my class asked me, “Do you know what my boss means when she says, ‘take the common enemy approach’ [with a third party]?” With the help of another participant, I explained. The first participant said, “Oh, wow. I wished I’d asked you before I emailed my boss back.”

If you don’t understand instructions, pick up the phone. How often have you been involved in an endless back-and-forth where clarifications just raise more questions? (Worse yet, how often have you been a helpless Reply All recipient in such an exchange?)

3. When you want to make an appointment.

Speaking of endless email exchanges, how about the ones that attempt to get three people together at the same time in the same place? Worse yet are the emails setting up a time for a phone appointment. (Yes, I’ve done it. I’m just saying it’s stupid.)

The web offers lots of tools for setting up a meeting of three or more people. For two people, the phone is likely to be the most efficient tool.

4. When the information is sensitive.

Any kind of sensitive. It doesn’t matter whether the message is confidential or it might make someone cry. Email is not private, so confidentiality is blown unless you use PGP or some other form of strong encryption. As far as making someone cry. . . well, doing it by email is the coward’s way out.

5. When you need an immediate response.

How often have you heard (or, more likely, read in your email), “I emailed you an hour ago. Didn’t you get my message?”

C’mon, people, the whole point of email is that it’s asynchronous. I will respond when I get around to it. Your immediate urgent emergency is not going to bring the world to its knees before 3:00 this afternoon.

The Golden Rule of email

Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Someone who is in a meeting all day may not be able to answer your call but can respond to an email or text. Some people simply don’t answer their phones, so email is the best way to get through. Some people are in India while you’re in Indiana, so email is the best way to communicate without getting anyone out of bed.

But those are exceptions. Really, these rules are common sense. They are rules we want other people to follow when they are emailing us. So really they’re the Golden Rule in reverse: Do not email unto others as you would not have them email unto you.